Everything changed again

I had gotten into a really good groove.

I’ve been letting my daily quota go quite a bit in the last few days, because pretty much everything in my life is in upheaval. Some moving stuff happened, and a new job happened.

I don’t know. I could be pushing myself harder on meeting my quotas, but I am tired of constantly trying to prove myself to anyone.

I said before that I read some assertiveness training materials.

The materials said that I have the right to judge my own feelings and thoughts, and that I don’t have to justify my emotions or actions to anyone.

Ugh.

I am so, so tired of feeling scrutinized all the time. I’m tired of scrutinizing myself on behalf of my parents. I’m tired of trying to earn the right to breathe.

I have a minimum quota of 2,000 words. I like to check off tasks for my writing on the Habitica website every day. I have probably eight or nine things, and I’m checking them all off. I’m keeping up with everything, I’m just not pushing myself to such awesome heights right now. I feel used up on the inside.

I want to find some new kind of consistency in my inner state. I want to have a nicer normal.

I’ve been doing bodyweight exercises for months; I’m starting to get arm muscles, which is novel.

Gosh. Anyway. Happy Friday, people.

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